Part 1

So I’ve been having car trouble lately. This is the first time in a long time it’s gotten so bad that I can’t ignore it, put it off, or put up with it.

I have in the past, though- with many things. The transmission hasn’t worked properly in about 2 years- won’t kick in to 5th gear, and a couple of times I’ve leaked the fluid dry, so it’s a real mess in there.

One morning I came out to find my bumper had been front ended, and it was hanging off the front of the car. For a while I drove with it like that but eventually substituted bungee chords for the raging will power that had held in place before. The right front blinker has never worked since then, and the headlight is pitched a bit off in a funny direction.

But that’s not all. There’s an oil leak from one of the gaskets, the rear dif is empty, and the four wheel drive, well let’s just say, the last time I had to pull out of the mud, it took two days to cool down to normal.

Then there are the small things- the radio sometimes thinks there’s a tape in even when there isn’t – then it doesn’t - then it does – like it can’t make up its mind. In the mean time, though, I can’t get radio or tape to work properly, so I’m on audio stall. I find the problem becomes more frequent when I’m in Santa Fe. Go figure. The scan button which scans for “in tune” stations is busted (but only sometimes) so it keeps scanning even when you don’t want it to. Then it goes back to the original station, because it has already begun rescanning before it has settled on an new in-tune station. Given that the antenna is half broken, it’s hard enough to get clear signals anyway, so the numbers just keep on whizzing by endlessly, like race cars doing false start after false start.

The sun roof has never worked properly, and the rear driver-side door doesn’t lock with the rest of the doors, so it either sits open or you have to lock it separately by hand. But they were like that when I bought it.

There’s also the giant spider-shaped crack in the windshield which occurred during a completely un-sublimated episode of road rage. I actually punched the thing with my fist. What was that all about?

The coolant is perpetually low, yet the oil temperature has always been normal, and the rear lights that light up the license plate are out too. Then there’s the rear window wiper, the dashboard that’s detached from the instrument panel, and the oil pressure gauge that works completely on its own schedule- ever since I left it in a parking lot in Vegas for 2 months.

The various odors and such we can leave for another time.

It’s my car. And all of these things I have learned to deal with intelligently. I always take extra care when making right turns since I have no front blinker. I have learned to patiently scan megahertz by megahertz using the “tune” button (only the up one- the down one sends it spiraling again)- and I’ve set 87.9 as the #1 preset so I can always start from the beginning of the dial.

I have stopped washing my windshield for fear of exacerbating the crack. I carry jugs of distilled water with me to top off the continuous radiator leak (did I mention the radiator leak?).

This is all to say that car trouble, up until now, has been no trouble. A slight inconvenience, but no cause to bring the thing into the shop.

But this time was different. This time the engine was overheating, and that’s something you don’t want to mess with. When the engine overheats, the cylinders and the whole engine head can warp, and that’s the end of the engine. And in a 12 year old car with 185,000 miles on it, that’s the end. You’re done. That’s when you call NPR and have them haul it off for you for one of their auctions.

So yesterday evening, I was driving out of Santa Fe (radio worked fine this time, thank you) up towards Colorado Springs, but just after leaving town I noticed the oil temp rising almost to the red line. I pulled off the road immediately and powered down. A little bit of steam came out from under the hood. “Shit,” I thought and said aloud simultaneously. There I was in the middle of the desert, stuck.

I went through my checklist- oil temp up means no oil or no coolant coming into the engine. No problem.

Miraculously, from my perch on the side of the highway, I could see a gas station across the freeway and across another road paralleling the freeway. Now gentle reader, you may think I am embellishing here, but I am not. While at first glance I may not strike you as the Indiana Jones type – actually at first glance I may strike you as exactly the Indiana Jones type (we’ll leave that for you to decide) – I am actually pretty nimble when it comes to scaling freeway side walls and jumping barbed wire fences.

So that’s right. I took off my flip flops and put on my more rugged Nikes for the climb, and off I went to the gas station- my years of training as a New York City J-Walker had me well prepared to traverse I-25 North and South- though, gentle reader, should you find yourself in a similar situation, note that the cars on the freeway move much faster than they do in Manhattan- even than they do in Brooklyn (the other boroughs I can’t attest to). Also the frontage road was crossed without issue.

At the gas station I picked up 6 quarts of oil and 3 gallons of water- Wait, I thought, I would have to drag these back to the car, and going down the sidewall might be harder than going up.

4 quarts, then, and just two gallons of water for the radiator.

Availing myself of all resources, I asked the clerk at the gas station if the problem might be other than the ones I had thought of.

“Well, you never know,” he said. “Could be the water pump, a leaky hose or something. You could try that stop-leak stuff over there on the shelf. That stuff works great.”

4 quarts, 2 gallons, and about 4 ounces of goop back to the car.

The goop I left in the car, wanting to try my own ideas first. Though the oil dipstick read full, I added another quart and then added a full gallon of water to the reservoir tank, as the radiator cap was too hot to take off.

Well that was the adventurous part of the story, so I’ll fast-forward past signing up for AAA, getting towed to the garage just after closing, hustling to get a rental car and a pick up, as well as a hotel room on Independence Day Eve. Keep fast forwarding to where the shop says they’ll stay open late to fix the water pump for cash, blah blah blah, $600, nope $425, nope $300, OK, its not the pump, it’s the radiator itself, $900 to replace, part won’t get here for 3 more days, can’t help you now, too late for rental car pick up. . .fast forward. . .

So I drive off in my car towards Albuquerque to spend the night in Motel 6. It’s late by now, and I’ve written Colorado Springs off the plan, cause I need to get to Silverton in the afternoon to meet my friends for the 4th of July. No sweat. The Motel 6 in NW Albuquerque is pretty nice- dry, not all damp everywhere like the Motel 6’s in the South East. I’m just happy to be in my own car, and happy the clerk recommended that 2 dollar bottle of goop to get me through the night.