Bathtubs as Communist Propaganda.

So I've been on the road again, and for the past two nights I've been staying with some friends in Salt Lake City, UT. Thing is, they're just moving into their new house and the shower isn't up and running yet. So the only option other than hanging out in the reliable summer afternoon deluges is to use the bathtub.

Now besides soaking it up at hot springs, I haven't taken a proper bath in over a decade. So I tried to remember how to do it as I slipped into the aqua colored water in their newly installed whirlpool and reached quickly for the Dr. Bronners. But then I was confused. As I lathered up the unsubmerged parts of my body, I began to wonder- now what? Do I rinse them off in the tub? That would be kind of gross, because then everything I was trying to wash away would then disperse itself all over my body (like it did in the unfortunate Ben-Gay-in-the-tub fiasco of '95 - probably the last time I had been in a bathtub). So what then? I could stand up, lather up and then sit down again, but very quickly the schmutz would disperse and I'd be in the same conundrum. The dirt from the dirtiest parts (feet, mind) would spread to the previously less dirty parts, creating a thin film of dirtiness everywhere.

I did not want this.

But perhaps it explains something about my reluctance to clean in general. I've never enjoyed the process, but more insistantly, I've always been perplexed by the condition of mopping. To me it seemed like you took dirt from the floor, put it in the water and then swished the dirty water back onto the floor. It just didn't make sense, and yet people do it every day.

As for bathing, it makes me realize the inherent superiority of the shower as a cleaning method. It is a more capitalist method of cleaning, more thorough, more choiceful, more efficient, but perhaps a little less luxurious and definitely more American. The radical redistribution of dirt that accompanies the bathtub bath is, to me, reminiscent of the socialist systems that spread the filthy lucre of the rest in a thin film throughout the land, depriving the powerful of their power and spreading wealth to those who have neither earned it nor know how to wield it. It creates an egalitarian average that is satisfying to most but about which none can be genuinely enthusiastic.

Showering on the other hand allows for all sorts of possibilities. You can turn the water off (conserve) while lathering and make use of the barest amount of water. You can spend hours letting the massaging shower head relax your sore back muscles. Or you can simply do the conventional simultaneous lather and rinse, then let the dirt run down the drain to be recyled and re-appropriated as toilet water, ice cubes, or radiator fluid. Outstanding.

So I have to say that my preference for the shower remains unabated. If someone could tell me how to make a bath more like a shower, I would appreciate the education. But for now, I don't see how it could possibly happen. It does tell me a good deal about the European model - both economically and odorifically - and I supposed compared to the filthy habits of middle aged Europe, a dirty bath is better than no bath at all. But just barely. And of course, the American innovation, as usual, takes the cake.