Hagelberg, nice to visit, but. . .

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Bloomberg and Hagel for 2008?
by David Broder



David Broder is generally a big dork. His columns are uninspired and his sense of the national “pulse” is generally misplaced. He comes off as an old guy who’s been in Washington too long and is grasping at stories. So when he took to writing about a possible political union between Chuck Hagel and Michael Bloomberg, I was pretty certain that the union would never happen.

There’s something intriguing about this kind of powerhouse third party ticket. But for me at least, the intrigue is short lived. Why would I think that? They are, after all, both highly accomplished politicians, one the technocrat business executive, one the congressional stalwart and war hero. Bloomberg’s appeal deficit in ‘the sticks’ would be balanced by Hagel’s homeliness – and vice versa. The Bloomberg fortune – as it did in New York City – would raise his candidacy largely above the fray of patronage and back-scratching that plagues the integrity of contribution-dependent candidates. He could, in other words, afford to tell the truth and act in the best interests of the people. And what better time for a third party ticket to enter the arena? We are more democratically wired than ever – between 24 hour “news” channels and the Internet. The two major parties are rife with corruption and mired in pettiness, torpor, and inertia. Wouldn’t a breath of fresh air by this quintessentially American duumvirate be just what the country needs?

You’d think, wouldn’t you?

So how come I don’t see it? How come I still see Hillary, Barack, or even Fred Thompson in the Oval before either of these two (and it’s not yet clear who would be the top and who the bottom – unless some sort of consulship might be established – a de facto version we seem to have been putting up with for the past 7 years.)?

But why?

I hate to say it, but it comes down to a single word: celebrity. Maybe two words- add charisma. These boys, despite their strong competence and integrity just don’t have either.
Anyone who’s heard Bloomberg speak can’t wait for him to stop talking and just bring out the Harlem Boys Choir. His voice is an out of tune piano to (say) John Edwards’s soothing chalumeau. Chuck Hagel is boring and though a decent man seems not appallingly bright (based mainly on Esquire profile form last year). Despite his current “maverick” stance (only compared with John Warner) he is pretty much a box thinker and reluctant to look outside it – unless an interminable war happens to jar him out of his comfort zone.

But really, Dave. How important is celebrity to the presidency? If we’ve learned anything from president Bush it’s that you actually do need brains to run the world, and that a mere handshaker isn’t enough to do the job as it should be done- especially at this moment in history.

Well yes that’s true, but virtually none of the current candidates appear to be lacking in intelligence – at least not to the Bushic degree. And I really believe that almost all of them would make tolerable to excellent first citizens.

But these days Celebrity really is important. Because while some of us are wired to nytimes.com and CNN, more of us are wired to People Magazine and Entertainment News. Now that’s not the only reason celebrity is important, but it’s worth mentioning that Broder’s example of a successful “post-party” candidacy, reflecting America’s distaste for partisan politics, blah blah blah was none other than the Kindergarten Cop himself, Arnold Schwarzenegger. “Arnold” ran a two week campaign during the Gray Davis recall and ran away with the vote despite anybody knowing anything about him. He cornered the bone-head vote as well as the “what’s a governor” vote and went straight to Sacramento before anybody realized that this wasn't the Oscars but a political event.

Now he’s been a great governor for the state and a great leader for the country. But he has relied primarily on Star-Power to get him going and to sway the voters. His competency is almost an afterthought- and it took a few years to catch on once he realized that he couldn’t run the entire state by ballot initiatives alone. (Early on, every policy initiative was followed by a threat that if Democrats obstruct, 'I'll bring the issue directly to the voters.' This stopped working after nobody voted for his initiatives. Perhaps the he had taken for granted that the bone head constituency payed any attention once the Best Actor award had been given out.)

Furthermore, and perhaps most importantly, America desperately needs as its next Commander in Chief some kind of Symbol. There are enough people left in Washington (or they could be brought back to Washington) to run the country effectively. But the task of providing world leadership calls for charisma and celebrity as well as competence. The political road is actually fairly clear on the majority of issues – especially if you’re not a partisan ideologue. So the more important element is how s/he will connect to the world as a symbol of American regeneration after 8 years of darkness.

The Hagel-berg ticket just doesn’t reach that level of glamor. The Euros won’t warm to a whiny Jew and another redneck- to say nothing of how the Iranians might react.

The glamor issue is at the heart of the allure of the fantasy Gore-Obama ticket. In truth, Al Gore could walk into the race on Halloween, ‘08 on the “told ya so” platform and carry the whole thing. Obama too has the rock star cult organizing around him, and it’s what the people want and love. Politicians are no longer Gods incarnate (if they ever were), but celebrities are. If George Clooney ordered his fans to march on Manitoba to find Weapons of Mass Destruction, you’d better believe they would- and not just the ones living in North America.

What I’m saying is we need more than another guy in a suit right now. The packaging and future packaging of presidents is a foregone conclusion – even the human quirks Obama is so happy to exhibit streamline perfectly with his new politico ‘image.’ We can’t get away from it anymore, as long as there’s TV. So let’s go with it. Schwarzenegger has shown us that governing can be done pretty effectively and invisibly by competent guys behind the curtain. If they get out of line they can always be nudged a little by the opposition. But someone needs to be there with the million dollar smile. It may be the only thing that Americans believe in anymore.